Thursday, 3 September 2009

Desire Not Consolation

I know I'm not alone in this feeling, when someone feels obliged to alienate themselves from society and await the release of enlightenment or self destruction. For me this results in a lot of music, classical for the most part interspersed large dose of existentialist philosophy.

I had a discussion with someone recently about "recovery", take from that what you will, life recovery, a recovery of what you once had, something specific, it's unimportant. An extremely intuitive, clever lady, she told me about the necessity of balance. Balance of body, mind and soul. All of which I have been neglecting recently in favour of some sort of unfulfilling hedonistic lifestyle, I love it, I don't want a quiet existance, but right now, I just want some peace, a break to gather my thoughts and put myself in a better frame of mind for the future.

This has been my day in blog form:

Ludovico Einaudi's Le Onde on repeat. This album reminds me so much of the three years I lived with Abi, I miss her so so much.

Saint Saens' Danse Macabre, this makes me think of school, the most phenomenal piece of music I have ever heard. Probably the first classical music I bothered paying any attention to. I think of Mrs. Smye's music class, she made us close our eyes with our heads on the desk for an hour and listen to it over and over again imagining the skeletons getting up from the graves to dance until dawn, and then the mad dash to return to the dead before the sun came up. I still can't listen to it without picturing it. I'm sure everyone else in the class was sleeping.

The Stranger by Camus, the first existentialist book I ever read. It's like a comfort blanket for the lost.

In truth, the majority of the day was spent in a self-loathing, vaccuous spiral, but these are the aspects I choose to focus on, the creative, the soul fulfilling, the socially acceptable madness.


  1. I've never heard of these people that Einaudi stuff is brilliant. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Hey Ems,

    The Stranger by Camus is one of my aboslute favs too. You know where I am, and now can share with you where I am in blog form-

    I started a new one, wooo!
    You, you I like.