Monday, 21 September 2009

Sick of Feeling Sick

(I should apologise that all my captions recently seem to be Frightened Rabbit quotes, but this one is necessary, for I am ill and am frigging bored of it! Plus I heard the absolutely MEGA news that Frightened Rabbit are supporting Modest Mouse in December in good ol Belfastland, so I am positively beaming!)

But yes,
I'm ill.
I lasted an hour and 35mins in work today then admitted defeat and went back to mammy emma's house where I have slept up until now. Thats 8 hours, a whole nights sleep, I haven't got that in quite a while. And the silver lining of this whole thing is that for once I will get to stay in bed and sleep my way out of my energy deficit so I should be back on track and positively buzzing as soon as I can move without crying again!

I've been extremely self-destructive recently, which although undoubtably is a bad thing, it's good to have some sort of cathartic outpouring once in a while. This is some sort of self-involved cathexis which has completely consumed my life recently, bad things have happened to other people and I seem to be drawing them into myself, recounting the problems of my friends and investing all the emotion onto the blankness of myself. I cried today because I was ill, but it was so so silly, I never ever cry, I generally would prefer to be likened to an emotional vacuum, apathy isn't such a terrible lifestyle in my opinion. But I know I'm wrong, I'm being self-indulgent, because by shunning outward emotion I'm building a barrier.

Those that will judge
will say you're aloof
but you know the truth is a seed
you know what you need
is a conflagration
cause when I see your blood
and the bits of your broken tooth
it gives me the proof that I need
it's the proof that you bleed
and it's a revelation

A mister Andrew Bird ladies and gentlemen, I'm so predictable with my lyrics.

Bah, I intended to move onto more cheerful topics but an absolute wave of exhaustion has taken over so I think I'm going to head to sleep again. Come on white blood cells, do your thing!!

2 comments:

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  2. Darling girl,

    There is a further silver lining to be had from illness- fever dreams. They are always mennnnntal. (See my blog for further details!)

    Also, I'm pretty sure we're rocking up the pig aids- I googled the symptoms and we've got it bad, yes we have, you knows it, we show it... (Thats an adaptation of Simply Red no less)

    Jon came round to my house for coffee today. Very odd. I need to move out of Merok soon. Get me this job at HMV? Think how much better both our lives will be. Again, no hyperbole. I genuinely would be happier.

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