Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Stay Close Sit Tight

So the past few days I've been thinking that I would give anything to have someone, anyone come over and sit with me for a while, just watching tv or doing nothing, but something restful and calm. Tonight I am at mum's house where it is neither quiet nor peaceful, but it's away from streets that when I walk them I see people I know on every corner, and frankly that's a good enough reason to be here than any. I just need one night of complete alienation from everything (and I do realise that saying this whilst on the internet is counter-productive, but it too will end soon). I tried to calm my silly little head down last night by delving head first into some philosophy and in the dark randomly reached out to the bookshelf, fumbled a guess, sat down, switched the light on, and in true dark humour the fates had conspired that I pick up Hume's On Suicide. (It wasn't that odd a choice really, 2/3 of my books in Ashley are existentialist/nihilistic masterpieces). I had a quick flick through and realised that I had read it so many times it needed to be laid to one side for another few months. So I broke out the ipod swirled the little control and hit play (and this is where it just got creepy), I ended up listening to Malcolm Middleton, perhaps the most moreose songwriter on the planet. He is excellent though, so as I go to have some quiet time I leave you with an utterly depressing but wonderfully lovely song.

*cough* There appears to be no videos of it online though...so you only get the lyrics...which are pretty self-indulgently disheartening... but fuck it, it's my blog I can do what I want!

Stay Close Sit Tight
I can feel stuff coming
I'm scared of a life of pain
Just round the corner is sadness and misery
Tomorrow I can die
Today I need to sort this out
Start with the kitchen, the bedroom, then my family

I can feel depression coming
It always starts with the clouds
Then the fear of phones and mirrors and not wanting you around

You stay close
And you sit tight
Don't be so faraway tonight
I may be bad
And I may be wrong
But you know I won't stay this way for long

Then I remember
That you remind me
I do have have some stuff to look forward to
Like those replica screaming eyes
That are going to look to me
To tuck them in at night and raise them right

Don't call me
Because I wont pick up the phone
Don't come around
Because I probably won't be home
There's this little thing that is mundane and a bore
But it locks me up and stares me out and drills a hole

Don't invite me
I'm safer where I am
Best not to make plans
Because I'll just agree and then cancel
There's this little thing that is mundane and a bore
But it locks me up and stares me out and drills a hole

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